Day 200

Sunday, 13 April 2008 (Day 200)

Life is made by choices. Frequently you make choices which can have a very small or very large impact on your life. Sometimes the smallest choice can have the largest effect. (It’s the butterfly effect.) If I hadn’t seen an advert in the TES for VSO, would I be in Ethiopia now?

There is also a question of free will. What we do is governed by so many things – hormones and chemicals in our bodies, previous experience, genetic coding. Sometimes I wonder if we have free will or, in fact, are just following programmed responses. Perhaps free will is just an illusion. If someone commits a murder they might be locked away. If someone commits lots of murders – is a serial killer - they are said to have a mental illness, but surely anyone who commits murder has abnormal psychology –the “don’t kill other people”- bit of the programming is distorted in that person. Perhaps all crimes are a result of mental illness. Maybe criminals don’t have free will. Maybe people who don’t commit crimes don’t have free will either, it’s just that their internal programming makes them think they are choosing not to commit crimes.

I was out for a walk today and I was wondering what made me choose to take the path I did. Why did I go left instead of right? Why, when I was planning to climb the big hill, did I climb the smaller hill next to it when I got there?

I keep having flashes of memories of places I have visited in the UK, Ireland etc and want to visit them again.

I miss teaching children. One hour a week with children who I have to teach through hand signals is not enough.

I miss listening to music with big speakers.

I miss just popping in to a fast food place to eat.

I get a horrible feeling every time someone asks me to coffee or to eat at the weekend.

I miss not having a shower.

I miss deep conversations with people.

I miss getting a glass of water from a tap without having to boil and filter it.

I miss wearing a jumper, coat, scarf and hat to keep warm.

I miss conversations that refer to films or TV programmes that we have both watched.

End of “off-at-a-tangent”

Anyway, I have a choice to make soon. It’s quite a big one, but as far as I can see, it will only affect my life until September 2009.

Choice A: I come home to the UK for a month in the summer, then return to Gilgel Beles to complete my two years with VSO as cluster co-ordinator. The Dean has promised there will be two teachers employed next year as counterparts which will be good as I can share all my knowledge with them, so that when I leave, they can continue. I also know all the staff now and have built relationships and know the system more. The problems are sharing a house and distance to anywhere.

Choice B: I come home to the UK for a month in the summer, then, if it works out, take up a cluster coordinator post in Bahir Dar. Advantages include easy access to Addis via Airport, other volunteers in the town so people to talk to. Supplies easily available, as is eating out and having ferengi food. Disadvantages include it being a tourist town so there would be more hassle from people, having to build all the relationships again.

Choice C: I finish one year here and come home in September.

I find planning the future difficult as I tend to go through life pretty much in the present. I’m a see-what-happens kind of person, which doesn’t really help other people.

I suppose I’ll decide sometime!